"Yes" to Olive, "No" to Olive Branches: 3 Relationships I Am No Longer Rekindling.
Before I talk about my relationships, I need to first discuss why this post is relevant to this blog. Firstly, before Minimal Style Daily, this blog was TheStreetQlo, a blog dedicated to minimal street style and lifestyle. The Street Style part was easy, but the lifestyle part was quite a struggle. Learning and exploring and communicating Minimal lifestyle hacks took a lot of research; so much effort. Coincidentally, at 27, I don't have to apply Marie Kondo decluttering to my life --to my relationships to be specific. It kind of just happens automatically as I get older. The problem is when I attempt to bring them back and hoard them.
So, in tribute to my previous minimalist efforts, I am sharing how I am managing these types of relationships going forward.
1. Exes Who Didn't Work Romantically But Still Want To Be "Friends".
Why, Lord, do we bring exes back into our lives as if it's noble to say, "it didn't work out but at least we can be friends"? In many cases, we like to do this when we were friends prior to the romantic activities and then Facebook says "you may know this person". Here's the thing, if we broke up, and then we found ourselves happy without each other months or years after...why then do we need to rebuild our "friendship"? I can reveal a ton of hidden agendas to explain this, but I won't.
Instead, I will tell you that it takes more effort to try to ignore what went wrong in the relationship or have discussions every once in a blue about how much you've grown since then and then of course explore talk the "what-ifs. It takes effort to fight the urge to be intimate just once more and then try to ignore the very things that caused you to break up in the first place. Why not just continue on with life before he/she popped up on Facebook and be happy?
2. Distant or Estranged Family Members.
We had a fight. Our parents had a fight. We didn't have a fight, but we just don't kick it like we used to. Shit happens. So now it's been months or years, a decade maybe, and we haven't seen each other or we only talk on holidays or on social media. At this point in my life, I've realized that you can't really stress this. I know the feeling when you start to think about how close you were and how you would love to just get that old thing back. You had so much fun together and no-one knows you like family so you have that conversation, "Why don't we hang out more?", "Why don't we call each other more?", "Remember when 'so & so' used to...... ", and "why do we only see each other at funerals or weddings?"
Truthfully, I really want to see all of my family all the time. But--we have set certain routines in place, possibly after growing apart, some more rigid than others, and they can be really hard to break at times. I understand that it's a part of life and it's cool. I think I can be content with holidays, birthdays, & Facebook if that's all it can be for now. Why force more? because of what used to be? Why schedule, reschedule, disappoint each other, reschedule several times more then eventually say forget it when you get annoyed or get your feelings hurt? Now it's less likely that you will be close again. One thing my mother told me about this was that I had to "stop playing in old playgrounds". I don't agree 100%, but it's just easier to let things happen naturally.
3.Distant or Former Friends.
This one is similar to the ex situation. Sometimes friends break up over a fight or a disagreement or some type of shadiness, other times they fade for no reason at all. So, as not to be redundant, I will just say that if any former friend is in need of a friend, I have no issues with being there for them. BUT, if all is good and we are content in our distance and Facebook reminds us, for example, of how close we used to be, we don't necessarily have to try to re-do and re-commit to our past friendship. We can reminisce. We should definitely do brunch or happy hour. But trying so hard to call regularly, hang out regularly, call parents and what not---- is all unnecessary.
I'm writing this with my bottle of wine and I'm thinking about how I spent a lot of my 20's trying to make sure I didn't lose a lot of people and that I maintain the highest points of most of my relationships. But the same way that minimalists like to declutter their closets so they can enjoy the spacious clean closets and easily access clothes that still fit well and feel good, is the same experience I'm having decluttering the different groups of relationships I have. By letting relationships that have already ended stay in the past, I am more accessible and available to nurture the relationships that are still active and healthy. In hindsight, this seems fairly simple change, but we will see.
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